More about waiting...

This is copied from an email I wrote to a friend asking about waiting until marriage for a project she is doing...

The point I think you might want to make in your article is that intercourse is one of two things; making love or having sex. The difference between making love and having sex is making love is giving and having sex is taking. When you are having sex you are getting what you want from your partner. When you are making love you have the freedom to give because you are free in knowing that you belong to each other. I'm convinced that you must be married to truly make love because only when you are married can you rest assured that the feeling you have of "I am yours and you are mine" is backed up by much more then just a feeling. It's backed up by a legally binding agreement witnessed by all your loved ones. 

The problem with NOT waiting until marriage is you have already begun a pattern of having sex with your partner instead of making love. Therefore you are already used to and have built up a pattern for it in an unloving way that looks like this:

When women have sex before they are married they justify giving of themselves in some way, but deep down they know that they have inviting abuse of their bodies. They are more likely to do things that they're not truly comfortable with. They have a subconscious or conscious hope of keeping their man since they do know that, even if they feel that way, he is not really their's. On the surface they are just fulfilling a physical desire, but underneath they are building an expectation of being treated wrongly with their partner. 

When men have sex before they are married they get used to women acting the way they did before  marriage in a sort of false sense of vulnerability.  Then once they're married they don't understand where the resentment is coming from and get frustrated that all of the sudden their partner seems more reserved. They also build up a pattern of the "taking" instead of giving aspect. They have not been given the expectation of valuing their partner and are therefore opened up to a whole realm of not valuing women as a whole. This of course is a huge door opener for problems with pornography addiction and so on.