This one is for the ladies, again. The ladies that have that inborn need to be compassionate 'til the cows come home. Even if it kills us, we look for the good and sometimes completly deny the bad. So how do we protect ourselves and protect that deeply good intentioned characteristic? We must know the difference between accepting a man's faults and settling to a lower standard.
Knowing the difference between accepting and settling is so important. If the lesson goes unlearned, most women go on 'accepting' until the wedding bells ring and the realize they've just spent years and now the rest of their life settling. And at that point, they're just going to have to learn to accept on a bigger scale than they planed. Unfortunatly, if you allowed yourself to ignore things, than you only have yourself to blame. Swallow your pride and remember that marriage is forever. To save yourself from as much regret as possible, learn the lesson. More importantly, open your eyes. Take a note from someone on the outside. Stop thinking that you are right, so everyone else on earth must be wrong, that's simply insane. Problem is, most people won't tell you if they thing you're settling, so don't be affriad to ask!
So here we go, here's the difference: Accepting is allowing your love to have faults, making no complaints about these faults, and supporting them to change if possible on their own timeline. While settling is allowing yourself to let go of the qualities you know you need and deserve in a man. The more you settle, the more you forget what qualities are on that list. You can spend so much time thinking your accepting that you will actually teach yourself to believe that you aren't worth anything on that forgotten list of incredibly important things. Of course, you do want to know how to make that list as well.
This might help, Your list of qualities in a man should be made up of at least the following things:
1. Not just similar, but EXACTLY the same in ever aspect of spiritual or religious beliefs
2. Similar political beliefs. Not because you care who they vote for, but because these fundamental beliefs will definitely flow over into your everyday lives.
3. Not someone who completes you, but someone who is complete completely without you.
4. Someone who wants the same things as you in your futures, and AT THE SAME TIME
5. Someone you are genuinely attracted to, not for a reason, but at first sight.
6. Add 10-20 more bullet points that describe the inner qualities of someone you believe is compatible with you.
A good self test to take is to ask yourself these questions:
1. Am I accepting something that is a natural, inborn, quality or am I accepting an undealt with character flaw?
2. Am I accepting something in the earliest of experiences with him that made me ask myself, does he really care for me at all?
3. Am I accepting something that I am covering up with some other unrelated good quality?
4. Am I justifing his behavior and/or making excuses for him?
5. Am I affraid of not knowing who I am without him?
If you answered "character flaw" or yes to questions 2-5, you are probably settling.
Hope I didn't crush anyone's heart too much! Hope you all know you are not only worth better than someone you are settling for, but there is someone better! (That is, again, if you're not already married :) )
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